When DEI Meets Narcissism, There Are No Winners

Narcissists have usurped the DEI agenda to serve individualized aims and sow division.

*Note, an edited version of this piece appeared on Spiked.com.

By Rebekah Wanic

Being respectful of others, appreciating difference, not judging or discriminating against someone based on an observable or known aspect of their identity….most people would agree that more of those things is a good thing. Increased awareness of when we have, or are, failing to live up to these ideals is part of the focus of the diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) movement that has taken over much of education, politics, industry and the media.

Yet, despite what for most over the age of 35 is a noticeable shift toward a softening educational and workplace culture and a demonstrable expansion of diversity in media and political presence, stories and posts appear daily with complaints. There are many potential reasons for this, such as improvements yet to be made or the benefits that come from making complaints rather than finding solutions. Another important contributor to the chronic dissatisfaction may be that this inclusivity push, originally designed to provide group benefits, has met its match in a culture of narcissism. No amount of change will ever satisfy the individual immersed in the “me-first” way of life.

All too frequently, social and mainstream media is abuzz with a story of this or that person or organization failing to recognize and appreciate someone’s individualized wants and desires. For example, a complaint about the injustice of holding meetings or scheduling an event on a day that has special meaning for someone gets “liked” repeatedly and is posted and re-posted with messages arguing that companies should be more sensitive to religious or ethnic holidays. And perhaps they should be.

But, rather than recognizing that there will always be competing interests in the social sphere and that no individual’s wants can always be met in a multicultural society, the narcissist uses this as an opportunity to take offense and lash out, expecting that no one else should do something important on their special day. This is because they have failed to accept what should be a point realized by most before they leave elementary school - that the world does not revolve around you.

The constant need to pay mind to those highly attuned to take offense can interfere with productivity the workplace and hypocritically, with achieving educational aims for broadening one’s perspective, for example by asking for the removal of professors who hold differing views. It has also extended to success or failure in Hollywood. Consider the complaint when a new movie or series is less successful than desired – it must be due to the moral failure of the audience, not an issue with the quality of the product itself. When Bros bombed, rather than reflect that perhaps it was a not a good movie, writer and star Billy Eichner blamed the audience, suggesting that Americans who didn’t see the film were “homophobic weirdos.”

The combination of narcissism with a DEI-oriented framework can help explain the vitriol that often comes from those who feel their position and preferences are not acknowledged, and evidence demonstrates that those from the left are more frequently leading the charge to silence and cancel others who disagree with their position. This is a defining characteristic of narcissism to lash out when ignored or unheralded. It can also help explain the paradoxical yet unsurprising joint celebration and complaint at the ascension of Rishi Sunak to Prime Minister. An individualized, narcissistic take on DEI means that no matter the progress society has made on the whole, one can always find some evidence for lack of “true” representation because identity can be broken down into ever more idiosyncratic aspects of uniqueness.

In addition to generating continuous cause for upset, note too how the narcissist using DEI as cover can never lose. If challenged, the culprit who asks something in violation of what the narcissist wants or feels entitled to (rightfully or not) or fails to provide them with enough attention or opportunity can be labeled non-inclusive or worse, as one of the dreaded “ists” or “phobes” and potentially canceled.

Want to fire someone for poor performance? Want to expect employees to be on time? Want to offer counseling to an employee with poor interpersonal skills? Better not, as these and myriad other more nebulous actions might be interpreted as DEI-related slights that can wreak havoc when subjective upset is held as objective fact and taken as evidence of bias, racism or sexism. This is, of course, not to deny that bias can and sometimes does influence these behaviors, but it should not be the only lens through which such behavior is interpreted.

All of this might not be so problematic were these narcissists few and far between. However, we are raising more and more individuals trained to view the world through the narcissistic lens of self-oppression and schooled in the power of the DEI hammer. This is not a dig at young people, as narcissism in general is on the rise and many adults refuse to accept personal responsibility for their short-comings and instead blame all manner of anti-diverse systems and individuals for their lack of success.

It is time to move toward a healthier environment to cultivate progress, one where individuals begin to recognize their position in combination with others and seek not to promote ever increasingly individualized aims, constantly raising the alarm of slight, and instead adopt a mindset of willingness to make adjustments to circumstance, take ownership of their behavior and outcomes, and work with - rather than against - others toward shared group good.

While there may be benefits in movements aimed at DEI objectives, the net consequence for society seems to be trending towards a loss as social division rather than cohesion mounts. It is desirable to point out when mistreatment is taking place and work to correct it. It is desirable to create environments where people feel safe and opportunities are more evenly shared. What is not desirable is when individualized wants and desires dictate policy and alter public space so that reasonable expectations to adjust self to situation are no longer valid. It is not desirable to adopt an ideology that sows discord by supporting endless opportunities for upset in the hands of narcissists. All individuals have competing demands in public space and the invincibility supplied by viewing the world through a DEI lens has given narcissists too much power. We need to work together to take it back.