Narcissism + Equity = Discontent

Is the inconsistency between the pull of narcissism and push toward victimhood reinforced by equity contributing to rising levels of youth distress?

by Rebekah Wanic

Much has been made of rising levels of narcissism, and, although like with most research phenomenon in psychology there is some debate about actual change and even the meaning of measurements, several have argued that there is evidence for increasing individualism and self-focused attention. For example, Jean Twenge and colleagues documented increasing use of the words “me” and “I” in books and songs from the 60’s to 2000’s. Smart phones and social media apps tend to reinforce this “me-focus” in many ways. Consider here the stories of people not looking at the Mona Lisa but rather rushing to the front of the cue to quickly take a selfie with the painting in the background and then swiftly moving on.

This trend toward increasing self-focus and a narcissistic orientation entails a shift in values. No longer is the experience with the world what takes precedence. It is instead the placement of self at the fore - it is MY experience of the world that is valuable to share and to be appreciated by others. By posting selfies, one is sharing ME first in their communication with others. No longer is the message about what is “out there”, with an external orientation in communicating what others might experience, independent of the sharer. What exists beyond the self holds value only in its connection to the self.

Beyond influencing vacation and lifestyle photographs, however, the desire to focus on the self has permeated school and work environments. Consider the trend toward “student centered education,” an orientation that supports the unique student experience as paramount in educational settings and “lived experience” as on par with scientifically-derived evidence, undermining an orientation toward challenge and growth. So too, the “bring your whole self to work” mantras that reinforce narcissism, encouraging individuals to believe they must be appreciated in all aspects of who they are in every setting, even when irrelevant or harmful to productivity and collegiality. Or, the phenomenon of quiet quitting, a self-indulgent response to feeling the pressure to perform in the workplace and thus put one’s selfish motives aside to work toward a larger group goal. These are just a few examples of the pervasiveness of the narcissistic need to view one’s own experience as paramount and the associated requirement that one be glorified in all aspects of who they are by others.

In the larger public arena, evidence of narcissism is present in movements to force others to use preferred pronouns or allow transwomen to enter spaces reserved only for women. While many have argued that the trans vitriol to pushback arises from misogyny, it is also a classic and expected reaction of a narcissist unsupported in their quest for attention. Unsurprisingly, narcissists have also infiltrated the DIE landscape, sowing division and creating an ever increasing list of “unique” identities that must be accommodated.

This self-celebration runs into trouble, however, when combined with the celebration and glorification of mediocrity coupled with support of victimhood promoted by equity activists. The narcissist wants to be celebrated for their greatness - consider Donald Trump’s need to have everyone believe that he was supported by the biggest rallies, the most votes, to build a “great, great wall,” etc. This becomes hard when equity activists tell successful people that they are successful because of systemic factors and not their own merit, an orientation that undermines celebrating the accomplishments (real or imagined) of many.

The rise in narcissistic tendencies does not mean that most people are clinical narcissists, however, and the desire to have one’s accomplishments acknowledged is not, in and of itself, problematic. Accomplishment is an important aspect of self worth, which is being undermined by the campaigns to celebrate everyone for simply showing up with a participation trophy. It is also undermined by those who would have us believe that the difference between a successful college graduate and a criminal is systemic racism and not the different behavioral effort, delay of gratification, and displays of self control enacted by those with divergent outcomes.

This is not to argue that forces outside of individual control play no role in differential outcomes. However, so too do individual behaviors. In a climate supporting self-focus and exaltation of the individual, this opposing pull to eliminate the celebration of merit creates a perplexing situation. The way to gain acclaim in the equity camp is to present as disadvantaged, to seek victimhood and display low achievement. This is what will cause the social justice warriors to shower one with attention and support. Thus, the desired and reinforced outcome - attention and celebration - comes not from what the narcissistically-oriented individual desires, acknowledgment of their superiority, but rather the opposite, the display of short-coming.

Imagine yourself now as a young person, growing up with these discordant messages. Be special, be great, be unique but do so not through merit but through mediocrity, not through individually-cultivated success but through (mostly) uncontrollable status related to your identity. Might this inconsistency not create some amount of distress as you try to navigate the unnavigable? Might such a reinforcement structure not pull you to claim an identity that will grant social status but potentially undermine your well-being? You look around you and see a world that rewards mediocre crybullies rather than those displaying true accomplishment. How could you not feel more than a twinge of worry about the security of your future?

There are of course multiple factors that contribute to youth discontent, not least of which is traversing the unpleasantness of puberty, developing an adult identity and learning to tackle adult responsibilities. Those challenges are not new. Much is though, and many have pointed out other aspects of modern society that work to undermine youth well-being, such as social media or safetyism and over-parenting. It is time to consider the inconsistency of the larger values being endorsed as well.

The reinforcement of uniqueness and high self-worth aligned with a narcissistic self-valuation, that is, without an associated celebration of real accomplishment, does nothing to support behaviors that manifest in the development of a psychologically-healthy assessment of self-worth. When this is combined with an equity-backed orientation that promotes victimhood and identity and undermines merit, it is not surprising when discontent ensues. Perhaps it is time to reinvigorate the value of true merit - merit that derives from hard work, authentic accomplishment, and substantive productivity. One should not expect to be celebrated simply for existing, but through what they do and the quality of their achievements. It is only then that individuals will be oriented to engage with the world in ways that provide them with outcomes that meaningfully boost their perception of self-worth.