Why "Fake It 'Til You Make It" Fails

The pursuit of style over substance hurts us all

The phrase "fake it until you make it" has become a popular mantra in personal development and professional circles. On the surface, it suggests that by acting confident and successful, you can eventually become so. It is also often invoked in discussion of imposter syndrome (see more below) with the suggestion that self-doubt is always damaging. (It’s not.)

Feeling like an Imposter? Great - Embrace it!

While this idea that one should fake it may have some merit, the problems in the pretense are often overlooked. Furthermore, the potential for harm in adhering to this mantra is heightened in the current climate of narcissism and artificiality. Believing in yourself can motivate you to face a challenge, push your boundaries and grow, but the real way to make it is to take action, not just fake action. So "fake it until you make it" is not the best strategy for cultivating long-term success and well-being.

The Problems with Faking It

1. There is no authenticity: One of the primary issues with the “fake it” mantra is that it encourages disconnection from who one really is. It reduces the drive to engage in beneficial self-reflection on one’s strengths and shortcomings and positions one to know less about who they truly are. Because self-knowledge is important for building genuine relationships, maintaining personal integrity and targeting efforts toward effective change, faking it impairs one’s ability to identify not only areas for improvement but also their preferences and values. Losing touch with who you are is unlikely to position you to cultivate long-term success or happiness.

2. You’ll worry you’ll be found out: Pretending to be something you are not is stressful for those who aren’t psychopaths, so the need to portray confidence and project success when you have neither can create immense psychological pressure. Maintaining a façade requires continuous effort and vigilance, which can lead to chronic stress and anxiety. (Think about it, if pretending made people feel good, social media use would likely have much more positive effects.) The effort put into faking it would be better used to develop genuine confidence built on acquiring skills and grounded in an honest appraisal of one’s gifts and flaws.

3. Growth will pass you by: When you fake it, you might miss out on valuable opportunities for growth and learning. By pretending to know more than you do, you might avoid asking important questions or seeking help when you need it. This can hinder your development and prevent you from gaining the knowledge and experience necessary for genuine success. Embracing a mindset of continuous learning and humility can open doors to personal and professional growth that faking it simply cannot.

4. Loss of credibility: In professional settings, credibility is extremely important. Colleagues, clients, and superiors need to trust that you are competent and reliable. If you are caught faking it, you risk damaging your reputation and losing the trust of those around you. This can have long-lasting negative effects on your career. Building credibility through honesty, transparency, and consistent performance is far more effective in the long run.

5. Disappointment from unmet expectations: Faking it often involves projecting an image of success that may be unrealistic. This can set unattainable standards for yourself and others, leading to disappointment and frustration. It's important to recognize that success is a journey that involves setbacks, learning, and gradual progress. Embracing this reality can help you set more realistic goals and develop a healthier relationship with your aspirations. You will be better oriented to target your efforts so that you work toward success in areas where it is likely to manifest and have the information needed to adjust your expectations accordingly.

Esse Quam Videri

With the ability to manipulate perception through curated online personas and image modification and to easily access information through search engines and AI chatbots, it is challenging to stay connected to reality and abreast of our personal shortcomings. When combined with encouragement that “faking it until you make it” is an appropriate way to operate, it creates an environment rife for imposters to proliferate. One need only scan LinkedIn bios to see all the 20 year-olds who are “CEOs” and “experts” in various domains, with little to know education, life or work experience to substantiate these claims.

This morass of pretense makes it difficult to find out who is really genuine and qualified, complicating the process of finding competent and honest individuals in occupational and personal settings. Instead of buying into the bullshit that you should pretend to be something you are not, try adopting the motto esse quam videri (to be, not to seem) instead - and then take action.

We can work on being rather than seeming by adopting a few simple strategies that will help support our growth and promote success and well-being in the short and long-term.

1. Acknowledge your limitations regularly through self-reflection and feedback seeking and be open about your areas for improvement. This authenticity not only fosters stronger connections and encourages support from others but it provides you with useful information to direct your self-improvement efforts.

2. Focus on acquiring new skills and knowledge. Confidence comes from competence, and the more you know, the more confident you will feel. When you are rather than just seem to be, you’ve made it so the pretense is no longer necessary. The worry of being found out as an imposter evaporates when you come to the table prepared.

3. Find mentors who can guide you and provide valuable feedback. Learning from others' experiences can accelerate your growth and help you avoid common pitfalls. Beyond that, surrounding yourself with others who will push and challenge you and who see you for who you are, not who you pretend to be, keeps you grounded and motivated.

4. Recognize and celebrate your achievements as signs of progress. There’s no need to fake it when you have successes to point to, even if they are small. Keeping a record of your progress can boost your confidence and motivate you to keep pushing forward.

5. Don’t run from discomfort. When you experience challenges or setbacks, your confidence will likely suffer. This is a great sign that you are pushing yourself. Instead of avoiding such experiences, stay in them and practice self-compassion to manage stress and maintain an empowered mindset. The more you view such experiences as positives in your self-growth, the better positioned you are to improve your resilience and overall well-being.

Take Action to Make it Happen

While "fake it until you make it" may seem like an attractive shortcut to success, it cultivates an environment that will likely undermine the potential for achieving it. Taking action directed at self-improvement - rooted in an honest self-appraisal - is the best way to build confidence and manifest true achievement. Faking it erodes both by subverting authenticity, thwarting learning, and preventing opportunities to develop resilience. The journey to success is not about pretending to be someone you're not but about becoming the best version of yourself. We all benefit when each of us takes this journey seriously.